Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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