I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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