you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
tell your sister to shave her snatch
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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