beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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