Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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