Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
