Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
