Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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