it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
