Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
