I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize