There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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