omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
