There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
