then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
