I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
