There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
