My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
