you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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