I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
