I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
