Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it glows. i had to have it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
