She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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