We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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