dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
