to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
not ubering you a puppy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
