i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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