i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I will die if light touches me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
