Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Im part way to drunk.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
