I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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