Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
