life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
