well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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