i would punch a child for taco bell
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
