More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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