please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
