1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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