how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
