like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize