Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
