4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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