well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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