I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His nipple licking is glorious
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
