i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
