I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize