Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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