Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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