i need an iv and a liver transplant
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
