The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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