You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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