I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
