She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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