She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I AM VODKA MAN
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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