If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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