I saw his package. It spoke to me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
