He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
