I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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