I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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