I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
