It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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