Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
