your thong is hanging out like whoa
I seem to have left my pride at pride
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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