Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
