if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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