I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
