Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
