And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it glows. i had to have it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
