How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
