Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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