i think my tv is drunk
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
