If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
