When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
