party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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