did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
