We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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