Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
