She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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