This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
