Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
