I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
