You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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