when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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