The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
