i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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