Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have feelings that need drinking.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
