I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
