I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i drank out of a bidet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
