I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
