wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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