I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize