So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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