You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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