Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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