i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
