clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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