maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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