so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
