the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You have to summon your inner elephant
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
