I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
