Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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