dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My bed smells like the plague
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
