this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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