Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
