k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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