did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
