there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
where are you?
Hypothermia
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
