At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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