omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
