he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
